Interesting…

It’s easier to write things on here because I know they aren’t being read but because they could be it feels like I’m setting the words free. So last night a friend decided to tell me something that they’d been feeling guilty about for months now, something that they knew when they did it would upset me. They kept it quiet. And with time I moved on from the original ‘thing’ and had put it into perspective. However, last night my friend just had to tell me what they’d done and how they felt so bad about it and they knew I was ok with it all now but they just had to tell me what they’d done because they felt so guilty about not telling me when they’d first done it. This was 5 months ago! Back then I would have wanted to know, it may have even made the original situation seem better. But not now when I’d finally put it to bed…

So there I was last night making my friend feel better. Telling her it was ok. And the whole time all I could think was the only reason you are telling me this now is to make yourself better, it is of no benefit to me. And in the cold light of day, I really wish she hadn’t told me. Immediately after…yes, five month later…no. Is honesty always the best policy? Should there be a point where you draw a line under it and agree to keep it to yourself? If the only reason you need to tell the person is to make yourself feel better are you really being a good friend?

What is the future of education?

In the name of trying new things I have signed up for an online course: ‘What is the future of Education?’ CPD is an important part of teaching but something I haven’t always felt I’ve gotten the most out of. It feels like it is something that is being done to me, rather than something I am actively a part of. It is often a session we are told to go to, one of a long list of CPD sessions for that term. We are never consulted over what we think we should be looking at over the term or how we approach our own CPD. So when I stumbled across online courses as a form of CPD I was intrigued. Not all of them appealed to me or seemed relevant but then that is the beauty of browsing online, you can say no and keep looking.

After a little bit of googling and clicking from one site to another I came across Coursera and ‘What is the future of Education?’ It is over 6 sessions and is self-paced. Perfect when you are going into the ever chaotic summer term with report writing and end of year productions! I kind of enrolled by mistake, I wanted more information before starting in the summer and somehow ended up enrolling. I could have postponed it and changed the dates, after all it is self-led so I can decide when and how to learn but I started listening to one of the online lectures and I was hooked! Here was CPD I was actively engaging in, wanting more of. I’ve watched the lectures, including the optional ones. I’ve read both of the readings, made notes and answered the key learning questions. I’ve done my own research on key theories and watched TED talk to develop my own opinions.

#wfe1

Why?

I must have asked myself that countless of times before I left for Beijing, and countless more times since I’ve arrived here. Moving here was so far out of my comfort zone, it didn’t feel like me at all. I was too quite, too anxious, too unsure of myself…or that was what I told myself. The thing is, since being here I’ve realised most of that isn’t necessarily true.

After university, I took myself off to South Africa for ten weeks to volunteer with disadvantaged children  I didn’t know anyone else there, I’d never been abroad without my family and I’d definitely never been to a South African township before. I didn’t think about any of that, I just went, because it was quite simply something I’d always wanted to do. I came back with every intention that it would be the start of a long list of adventures. It wasn’t, I started my PGCE and then I became a teacher. I got caught up with all the stress that comes with it. I love my job, I love the children I am privileged enough to teach – watching that lightbulb moment is something I will never get bored of.

The problem was the conversation that so often goes with teaching in England. All I seemed to hear from my friends was how much holiday I had and how easy my job was. From newspapers it was teachers don’t know what their doing and children are leaving school unable to read and write. From the government and OFSTED it was how teachers needed to work harder, how our curriculum and teaching didn’t prepare students to compete on a global scale, we needed to teach children to learn facts and the meaning of ‘democracy’ and what it means to be British. And from my school it was that nothing was ever quite good enough, that we had to be prepared for OFSTED, that the children had to be prepared for OFSTED, that learning was an outcome and we needed to present the correct outcome for OFSTED. Or that’s how it felt anyway. And somewhere along the way I started believing that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t confident enough, I wasn’t brave enough to leave that classroom.

Now I didn’t realise most of this until I got to Beijing, where the teaching climate it so vastly different. I am valued at my school, I am appreciated and my well being is important. I was and still am amazed when members of SLT (senior leadership team) ask me how my weekend was, what my holiday plans are or tell me to leave early and take care of myself after a busy week. And somewhere between that terrifying plane journey in August and now I have realised that I am so much more capable than I gave myself credit for, and that this is not a new found strength but a rediscovered one. And I plan on grabbing hold of it with both hands and never letting go again! Welcome back courage!